This is my first live journal entry - hopefully not my last. I tend to be excited about new things then never go back to them. Not because I don't like them, just because I get lazy and go back to what's familiar in my life.

Anyway, why the Cigarette Smoking Man (CSM from here on in)? I don't smoke, never have, well once for a theatre show, but that's it. Would Emma aka little_emsy ,the love of my life, kill me for portraying her arch rival? We all know how David Duchovny obsessed she is!!! Well, in actual fact it was her who helped me with my CSM identity. She compares me to him.

For those of you familiar with The X-Files, you'll know what a great adversary he is to Mulder & Scully. In my opinion one of the greatest "bad guy" characters ever written. But, is he bad or has society made him that way. Like him, I have lived my share of lies and mystery. I won't even try to kid you and make you think that they are comparable to his. But to my little world, they are. He has dreams and wants to achieve them, but one or two bad choices have now slowed them down and he is stuck in a rut. A rut if he tries to get out of, will have him killed.

I was in that rut, only difference is I was able to get out and had no fear of getting killed for it. Though I think it would have been the rut that would have killed me. What saved me from that rut and has brought me to the top of the world? Emma.